We have sat on both sides of this table. As managers making the decision, as employees making the ask, and for a stretch of years, as the compensation analysts writing the bands that determined who got what. The single most common mistake we see is not what people say in the meeting. It is everything that happens before the meeting. This piece walks through how to prepare, what to actually say, how to handle the pushbacks you will get, and what to do if the answer is no.

Start with the frame, not the number

Most people approach a raise conversation as a persuasion exercise. You walk in, you list your accomplishments, you hope your manager agrees they add up to more money. This almost never works the way you want it to, because your manager is not the one making the final call. Their manager is. And their manager's manager is looking at a compensation budget, a band for your role, and a list of ten other people asking for the same thing.

The better frame: you are giving your manager the information and the language they will need to advocate for you upstairs. Your job is not to convince your manager. Your job is to hand them a brief so well-prepared that when they walk into the compensation calibration meeting, they already know what to say.

This is a meaningful shift. It turns the conversation from adversarial into collaborative. You are on the same team, working on the same problem, which is how to get you paid more.

Pull the comp data before anything else

You need three numbers before you open your mouth. The market rate for your role, the market rate for the next level up, and your current total compensation. Most people know the last one. Almost nobody knows the first two with any precision.

Where we actually look:

  • Levels.fyi for tech roles, especially engineering, product, and design. The data is self-reported but the volume is high enough to be directionally accurate. Filter by company size, location, and years of experience.
  • BuiltIn and Glassdoor for a broader swath of roles. Noisier data, but useful for triangulating.
  • Recruiters on LinkedIn. Not for a job, for the number. Reach out to three recruiters in your space, tell them you are not actively looking but want to understand the market for someone with your profile. Two out of three will give you a range.
  • Your own network. Ask two or three people in comparable roles what they make. This is the most accurate source and the hardest to use, because it requires you to have actually built those relationships.

What you want at the end is a range. Something like "people doing what I do, at companies my size, in my city, make between $145,000 and $175,000 total comp." If your current total comp is $130,000, you have a real gap to talk about. If it is $170,000, you have a harder conversation ahead of you.

Build the accomplishments doc before the meeting

This is where almost everyone underdelivers. Your manager does not remember what you did nine months ago. They barely remember what you did last quarter. You need to remind them, in writing, before the meeting happens.

The document should be one page. Maybe a page and a half. It has three sections: what you delivered, how it mattered to the business, and what you took on that was not in your job description. For each item, include a specific outcome. Not "led the redesign of the checkout flow," but "led the redesign of the checkout flow, which increased conversion 4.2% and added roughly $600,000 in annualized revenue."

The gap between "I worked hard this year" and "here is the specific business outcome of my work in dollar terms" is the entire ballgame. Managers who can repeat your dollar figures upstairs get you paid. Managers who can only repeat vibes cannot.

Send this document to your manager 48 hours before the conversation with a short note: "Ahead of our Thursday one-on-one I wanted to share a summary of my work this year and a few thoughts on next steps." You have just made it nearly impossible for them to come to the meeting unprepared.

The actual ask

Here is the script we have given to friends, family members, and colleagues over the last decade. It works because it is quiet, specific, and hands the manager a concrete problem to solve.

"I'd like to talk about adjusting my compensation. Based on
my work this year on [X] and [Y], and the market rates for
the role, I think $Z is fair.

What would need to be true for you to get there?"

Read that last sentence again. It is the most important sentence in this entire article. You are not asking for the raise. You are asking what it would take to get the raise. You have moved the conversation from "yes or no" to "what are the conditions." Your manager now has to either tell you the conditions, which gives you a roadmap, or tell you there are no conditions under which it could happen, which gives you information about whether to stay.

A few tactical notes on delivery. Say it in a normal voice. Do not apologize, do not hedge, do not use filler words. If there is silence after you ask, let the silence sit. Do not fill it. The person who speaks next in a negotiation is usually the one who loses ground.

A real dollar example

Say you are a senior software engineer at a mid-size company in Austin. Your current comp is $165,000 base with a $15,000 target bonus. Total $180,000. You pull market data and find the 50th percentile for your profile is around $210,000 total, and the 75th percentile is closer to $245,000. You have shipped two significant projects this year, one of which reduced infrastructure costs by about $400,000 a year.

Your ask is not $245,000. That is the top of the market and you are not at the top of the market. Your ask is $215,000 total, split as $195,000 base and $20,000 target bonus. That is a 19% bump, which is large, but it is inside the market range and it is backed by a concrete dollar outcome of your work.

What usually happens: your manager says they cannot do 19% in one cycle. They come back with 10%. You now have three options. Take it. Negotiate the remaining gap on equity or title. Or say "I appreciate that, and I am going to think about it." Silence, again, is your friend.

How to handle the common pushbacks

There are four pushbacks you will hear. You should have a response ready for each.

"It is not in the budget this cycle."

Response: "I understand budgets are tight. Can we agree on what the path looks like? What would need to be true in the next two quarters for this to happen in the next cycle?" You are forcing a commitment to a future action rather than accepting a no.

"You are already above the band for your level."

Response: "Thanks for sharing that. What does the path to the next level look like, and what is the timeline?" The band conversation is a level conversation in disguise. Shift it.

"We give raises based on performance reviews, not ad hoc."

Response: "That makes sense. I want to make sure my review is set up to reflect the full year's work. Can we walk through what outcomes you want to see in the next six months for a strong review?" You have just turned the no into a planning meeting.

"Let me think about it."

Response: "That's fair. What would be a good day to follow up?" Put a date on it. Otherwise it drifts for months.

If the answer is no, take it seriously

A hard no, with no path forward, is not a dead end. It is data. It tells you that either the company cannot pay you what the market can, or it will not, or both. Neither of those is a reason to quit on the spot. But it is a reason to start looking.

The single biggest raise most people get in their career is the one they get by changing jobs. That is not cynicism, it is how internal comp systems are structured. Bands are sticky. Outside offers reset them. If you have pulled the data, delivered real work, made the ask cleanly, and gotten a no, the market is often the honest answer.

What we'd actually do

Pick a date four to six weeks out. Between now and then, build the one-page accomplishments doc and pull the comp data from Levels.fyi and two recruiter conversations. Send the doc to your manager 48 hours ahead. In the meeting, use the exact script above, including the question about what would need to be true. Listen, do not fill silence, and follow up within a week with whatever was discussed in writing. If the answer is no and there is no path, start interviewing within 30 days. One real outside offer is worth more than twelve months of polite internal advocacy.